Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
