I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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