we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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