If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Are we still banned from the library?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
