im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
