we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
