u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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