walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
