Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
