I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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