It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
