so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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