I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
