Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
