I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
