you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
