So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
