I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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