I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
