My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is wine microwaveable?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
