That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
