i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
