i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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