The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
