Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
