So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
