your room smells of hookers.
And success
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
