The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
