Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
