I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
