I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
