ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
