sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
