and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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