I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
