I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
