How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
