I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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