'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
