Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
