Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she pinky promised me she was 18
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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