she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
how drunk are you?
Several
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
