Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
