i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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