I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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