Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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