so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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