Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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