My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
