Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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