You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize