I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
