i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When are your genitals available?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
