I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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