No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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