She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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