there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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