I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
