worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
