Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
