I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You smell like stripper and shame
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize