did you get engaged???
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize