he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
