You work out of a Hotel?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize