I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize