Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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