What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
